At last! A calm conversation :)

It’s changeover day so AH gets the kids from school and I take the opportunity to catch up with a friend.  I get her take on things and she can’t believe his stance.

Kids are happy to see me (AH is driving along the road as I’m walking home so he lets them out to run up the road).  I seem to end up doing most of the bits required to get them ready for their sleepover.  Odd!  Not my night, remember.

Anyway, I sent AH an email this morning reiterating that I don’t want to go down the lawyer route.  Also let him know that I woke this morning to a lot of my shedded hair on my pillow (I have alopecia universalis and, despite having had great growth over the past few months, the stress of the past few days is starting to manifest itself).  On 30/03, AH said “my health is important” to him so I ask if we can ‘call of the dogs’, stop being so reactive and focus on the parenting plan.  His email back asks if he needs to keep the rental based on my lawyer’s letter.  He also asks what will happen with my wages as he can’t keep paying as he is or he won’t be able to afford his own place.  It also mentions that, because he forgot to go to his second Parenting Through Separation session, he actually has to do both again – and he can’t do this until mid-to-late May, so would like us to start drafting in the interim.  All civilized and reasonable.

We chat and I tell him my preference is to stay in the family home, not a rental, and him have the kids on his days.  He is clearly stressing about my lawyer’s letter and wants them to write to him saying it won’t go further.  I say no as I’m not going to incur more costs, and my place is now secure in the home.

We agree on some things re occupation, my salary, and eventual buy-out of the home (he’s not interested but the kids have asked me to buy it and, despite it being too small and not my dream place, it is what I’ve made home for the past 8 years).  I ask how my involvement/running of the house will be measured.  (He said he’ll pay the mortgage but will expect to be reimbursed from any settlement as I’m liable for half).  Given he’s paid the mortgage while I’ve been stay-at-home mum, am I meant to reimburse him for all of that??  I will be the only one washing, cleaning, etc, do I need to keep a timesheet so my contribution can be taken away from his financial input??  Again, civilized and reasonable.

I am amazed that, when we are agreeing his ‘official’ hours, when I say ’til 5 pm on Saturday, he wants it only until 3 pm “so he can feel he has a weekend”.  WTF?  You get ALL DAY Sunday! & 5 pm still gives enough time to go out on a Saturday night.  So sorry that having to look after YOUR kids is messing with your weekend.  But I bite my tongue and say nothing.

They leave and I have the home to myself.  Hurrah!

Today’s positives:

  1. Absolutely beautiful, sunny day!
  2. Actually got through it without an argument with AH;
  3. Gone under 53 kgs and fitted into a size 8 pair of jeans.  Very shallow, I know.  Sorry!

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