Don’t even feel like there’s been a weekend passing through here. Might be due to not getting my time alone on Thursday and Friday, and an intensely busy week where it feels like each day is a whirlwind. Would like to get it to a gentle breeze. AH turns up Saturday morning to drop Master 8 and Miss 5 here, while picking up Master 10 for his football. Master 8 apologises as soon as he walks through the door for his behaviour yesterday.
Tell AH that I’d like a code word that he and I know and, once I use it, he needs to say his goodbyes and leave without any drama. Straightaway, he says he doesn’t agree to it. I explain the kids get upset when they hear me telling him to go and he comments ‘so do I’. I tell him if he is overstepping boundaries, I have every right to ask him to go. He angrily questions ‘so that’s fine for you here, but what about if you’re at mine’. Well, durr! Either have your own word, or feel free to use the same one. I say “cactus” is my chosen word. He neither agrees nor disagrees – just walks out.
I ask AH whether he’ll be back to take all three kids as they’re still on his time. He’s eyes are flaming wild and his face is firmly set “well, it’s not like I’ve had my weekend with them, it’s all been complete shit”, like it was my fault somehow! He let Miss 5 come with me yesterday rather than stepping up and saying ‘no’ to her. He asks Master 10 if he’s going to go with him after football and unfortunately he umms-&-ahhhs a bit too long which pushes AH over the edge: “That’s fine. I’m done. I’m not begging you to spend time with me. I’ll drop you back here and won’t ever take you to football again”. On a scale of 1-10 (1 being calm, rage being 10), he spoke to his 10-year-old son who had counselling this week as he’s struggling with the separation at about an 8. I only wish I could have got it on camera.
He goes out to the shed to get some of his papers. Face like thunder and attitude to boot. I tell him his 10-year old son needs a daddy right now so he needs to stop being so reactive (can’t say it often enough), to have a calm discussion while they’re out and to grow up. He’s calmer when he gets back. We even manage to have a nice conversation, and he comments that he’d like to be able to converse like this – and I agree that it’s my wish too. He showers the kids while here and I help with hair drying. They leave and the house is finally quiet.
Both AH and I are attending the same party (but thankfully he’s decent enough not to swing invites for his bro/GF). He’s already there when I arrive but I have no desire to speak with him. We manage a ‘hi’ as he goes past at one stage. It’s a nice party, but I’m driving so can’t get nearly as wrecked as he’s starting to do. Actually look at him and he looks shorter and plumper than usual. He starts to do his thing on the dance floor and, again, what used to make me smile, only made me cringe. I imagine a brown-eye was about 30 minutes away, judging by the way he was acting. There’s a single mum there who seems to be sniffing around him and he’s clearly enjoying her company too. Good luck to them. I leave at 12:30, but end up speaking with the friend who’s stayed with the kids until 4 am!!
Am feeling pretty knackered now and have enjoyed not having to see or speak with him today. It’s Queen’s Birthday bank holiday tomorrow and no idea if he wants to spend some time with the kids, given he doesn’t have to work – he hasn’t commented that he’d like to see them. Have plans for the evening though so if he thinks he’ll be getting dinner, he will be unplesantly surprised. Today’s positives:
- baking while Miss 5 had a successful playdate (first time her friend had come by herself to a play);
- new wig purchased from the US – looked good last night and got many favourable comments;
- that great chat into the early hours of this morning with a good, supportive friend. It’s difficult to talk to many in the social clique that we both roll in, but it’s great that I can say things to those more impartial and hear that I’m not expecting too much from AH.