Day starts with email from AH saying he’s going to change my mobile plan to pay-as-you-go and he wants reimbursement for the new phone I got. Also goes on about Vodafone coming over to my name, claiming he’s trying to be amicable by not cutting off “a service you say benefits the children yet you spend most of the time using this facility” and that, if he was trying to be spiteful, he’d have cut if off a while ago.
The man is delusional. He agreed to pay a fortnightly amount to cover the household costs. Without any discussion with me, he has reduced the amount and is putting all these costs on my plate – yet hasn’t even asked what my income is or show regard for how the kids and I will survive.
I email him definitions of “amicable” and “spite” as he clearly has been taught something else in saffa schooling. I reiterate I don’t want to fight and let him know I’ve been in touch with Vodafone who are waiting for him to call. I also ask if he’s coming for dinner.
The response back is full of accusations and demands (‘I want’) for answers to questions – mainly relating to drinking the wine [again?!].
He mentions ‘respect’ over and over: claiming he respects my family but I’ve shown none to him or his. I want to remind him what he well knows … RESPECT IS EARNED!! All my family have checked in with him throughout this process, including when we split last year. I have had ONE (!) person from his family do the same. He says I disrespect him by not answering his questions, yet has conveniently forgotten all the times he’s not had the decency to answer me when I’ve asked a question. Not to mention, making such a big deal about having a gentlemen’s agreement between us – yet breaking if completely. I tell you, delusional! He needs help.
I’m disturbed when he mentions my eldest brother called him on Friday and let him know the whole family is concerned about my mental and physical well-being. Apparently my ‘attitude, agression and alcohol abuse’ in Auckland has then all worried. I’m gutted that my brother has given AH fodder for his cannons. When I spoke with that brother on Sunday and let him know what AH has been doing regarding the name and money, he seemed shocked. Clearly AH neglected to give my brother that part of the story.
I now have to email my family members and ensure they don’t contact AH with any of the concerns about me. Whilst their intentions might be good, he will manipulate their words and use them in a future court case. I know him very, VERY well! I am beyond disappointed.
AH comes to the house for dinner. He asks about his family photos and I let him know I took them to work then forgot them there. He questions why I took them there and I explain it’s not right that when I ask for things, I don’t get them yet he expects to be handed all he wants on a silver platter. I point out that it’s a two-way street. I remind him I’m still waiting for a proper written breakdown, along with details of when he plans for the new monetary payment scheme to take effect. I tell him I need this information in writing for my purposes. He jumps on it, “to give to your lawyer”. I say I’m not seeing my lawyer – which is mostly true. My appointment tomorrow is with a lawyer, but not my one. Yet. I need to get the funding application done for mediation.
He wants to talk further about the photos and getting answers but I stop the conversation. I tell him he’s here to spend time with his kids and his daughter is in the lounge waiting for him (tried to get a photo of the two of them interacting: both on tablets). I remind him what Master 10’s counsellor said about NONE of these conversations should take place in front of the kids. Considering he was the one who saw the counsellor last and got this message face-to-face, surprised I needed to tell him this!
He comes back while I’m preparing dinner to ask if he can ring Vodafone. He wants me to talk to them and confirm the changeover. I was told yesterday my part was all done – he was told something different today so is now desperate to get me to talk to them. I tell him I’m not doing so now: I’m making dinner, getting the firewood, getting the fire going and everything else. I will NOT be controlled by him!
Not much is said between us during dinner. He gets the hump as he doesn’t get his own cup of Soda Stream (I only got a sip from Master 10’s so that should be sufficient, but, as usual, he takes it as an insult, rather than seeing it for what it was, ie it left more for the kids). The atmosphere in the place improves the second he is out the door.
So positives amongst all the shite:
- trying the new Whittakers Jelly Tip chocolate – mmmmmmm!!
- the neighbour leaving a message that she has friends with a trailer who will come and clear the rubbish at our the house that AH and I were meant to get a skip for but, given he feels no accountability to contribute to any upkeep, it will be a long time before I could afford it. Her offer makes me want to cry;
- my boss allowing me to use his credit card points to get an iPod nano. Finally entering this century 🙂