Concrete plans are in order

Master 10 is ‘rostered’ for 1-on-1 with AH tonight.  Swimming has now finished so the Tuesday routine has changed, in a good way!  Master 10 is meant to be going to judo (my turn to take) but I’m happy to flag it, as would have to take the younger two as well.  There’s been no contact with AH confirming plans.

Until 16:20, when he texts to say “I will get [Master 10] at 550 if that’s ok”.

Well, no.  It’s not ok.  I’m expecting him to come straight from work and pick Master 10 up.  He always turned up at 16:30 so don’t see what that should change.  He tells me, “I’m changing the goal posts”.  He’s not organised food.   I aim to feed the other two about 17:30; and can’t exactly do that in front of Master 10 (I haven’t factored him in dinner plans as, when I’ve done my 1-on-1s, dinner is part of my responsibility – and I let him know this).

He then goes onto silent mode and I hear nothing more.  Close on 5 pm, I text to try and elicit a response.  It definitely feels like I’m expected to pick up the slack – HIS slack!  Ask what time he’s coming.

Knock on door few minutes later and he’s here, smiling at the text and making childish remarks.  So I shut the door in his face and go get Master 10.  AH asks if he can use the car and Master 10 says, “no, we can walk”.  AH asks again as he needs to get food for dinner.  Master 10 again says, “no, we’ll walk”.  AH asks Master 9 if ‘Mama is the one saying no’, but it’s got nothing to do with me – and Master 10 tells AH to his face that they can walk.  NB: AH has walked past two supermarkets to get to my house.  Considering he hadn’t said what time he’d be arriving, what would 15 mins to get supplies have done?!  I tell Master 10 that AH “NEEDS” the car and it was fine with me.  He tells me he “looks forward to my canonisation”.

Coming from the wonderful catholic that he is — who broke that vow in front of priest, god, church, family and friends to ‘love me until the day he dies’.

So what is the conclusion that we can draw from today’s misunderstanding?

That every single, microscopic detail of any plan that involves both of us, must be established and put in writing.  Regrettably, it still falls to me to initiate any plan (as he never would have those thoughts [it was part of the issue between us for the past few years; that it was ALWAYS down to me to make the plans]).  Tonight could’ve been a non-event:  AH knew that Master 10 was to go to judo before his sleepover; he knew that whilst it was my turn to do judo, I’d have had to taken all three kids with; life would’ve been easier for ALL of us if he’d have turned up at the usual time, picked up the car and Master 10 and gone from there.  He ASSUMED he’d just turn up and get a nicely fed kid, as usual.

I’m not his parent.  It’s time he started taking a 50-50 role.  Six months separated today.  Let’s hope for more growth in the next six months.


  1. Not going to swimming!
  2. making my first ever poached egg (I know, I know!  40-something and never made one.  Pathetic!  Found a Jamie Oliver gladwrap cheat that make it not so daunting);
  3. Miss 5 and Master 9 playing so nicely this evening.

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