It’s just a blur

Been very slack and not had the time or energy to blog.  For the past three years, have been involved with organising the school’s Christmas carnival – but with more than enough on my own plate this year, have stepped back, merely updating the event’s Facebook page.  So there were my evenings gone…

Also not in a good space with AH.  “AH” is definitely the right term for him.  Utter, utter arsehole!  There just doesn’t seem to be a break from his arrogance and BS at the moment.  Roll on 17 December when I go to my parents and get away from him and this place.

The week started with him emailing about the Monday dinners:

Again, this has been cancelled, because you are unable to put aside our differences for an hour for the sake of the children. What we are going through is not to impact on them … For the sake of the children, I think we should still have the family dinner.

No, I’m cancelling because I don’t deserve to be subjected to this shit.  He shuts down and refuses to answer questions, which in turn causes stress and issues, yet it’s only me who’s to blame for these dinners not going ahead.  ‘For the sake of the children’ … stop playing your childish games and have enough decency to answer questions that are put to you!

He’s desperate to find out what I want him to speak to his counsellor about.  But, until I get answers, I’m not giving him anything.

I confirm I’m still the best option for picking up the kids on his days and still want to do it.  He keeps away from the issue of money – so I ask whether he’ll pay cash and he refuses to.  I don’t get it!  The only reason I can see for bank payments is that he can hold it over me with IRD.  So I ask (‘BE CURIOUS’) … and, despite being with him for 15 years and giving him the three most beautiful children, his reason is that he has “no record that I have made the payment”.

Wow!  Realise that he lost trust in me last year already.  Probably about 4 months before I lost respect in him.

We’re at a stalemate.  He says he’ll book the kids into the afterschool programme for Thurs and Fri.  I point out that he’ll also need to drop the 1-on-1 child to before-school care as well, as that’s something I’m doing to help him out.  Also state the obvious:  that he is putting a financial decision above the kids’ wishes.

He finally relents.  Cash it is.  As ‘[my] tax affairs are my business’.  Yes, they are!  Just another attempt to assert control.

Hear from my lawyer.  He’s had a response from AH’s lawyer for a couple of weeks.  Whilst AH has been decent with some things, he’s completely out of order with others.  My lawyer had suggested a 70/30 split (to take into account my bringing up the kids/putting career on hold while he studied and now has the potential to earn a six-figure salary).  He’s come back with a 55/45 split.  Seriously?!

He also wants me to pay him back $8k for the mortgage and other household expenses he paid when he left the house!  Again.  Seriously?!

Oh and this one: he went on a trip back to South Africa while we were still ‘courting’, and on his return, gave me a gold necklace (that I always thought was a gift from his auntie; one of her old ones).  Since we separated, I put it in a box and haven’t worn it.  He says it was his mother’s and wants it back to give to Miss 6 one day.  I’m appalled by this.  It was a gift.  Not based on a promise.  Not an engagement ring – just a necklace.  I got it back out of the box.  And put it back on.  Stuff you!

I finally get answers to my questions via email – and, in turn, let him know the counselling reason.  He’s going to be pissed off.  He was expecting it to be that I’m going to look to move north; not that I want to be honest with my kids about my niece’s suicide.

I ask what’s being done with London – and back into silent mode he goes.  Well it was good while it lasted.

I get my money for the sleeping bag.  Yay.  One thing off the list.  Ask him to bring the cash for the week’s childcare – and he says he’s not paying this week.  It’s been 5 weeks since the new arrangement has been in place, he’s paid me $300.  I didn’t have the kids for 2 Fridays, so would accept that he doesn’t need to pay me for one week.  So, by my maths, I’m owed $100.  He doesn’t see it.  GOD!!!  I could throttle him.

Today was the carnival.  Wanted to meet the kids there to give them some money so they could buy each other Xmas presents from the craft market.  AH dumped all three with me and disappeared.  When he finally reappeared to take them home, he lost Master 9 within minutes.  The look of thunder on AH’s face when he came and got him .. EEK!  Loved that the mum I was sitting with at the time also saw it – he doesn’t usually let others see that face!

I’d told the boys to walk to mine for 2.30 pm, and I’d take them to the party they’d both been invited to.  They turn up at 2.10.  Master 9 tells me that Daddy had grabbed them both roughly round the back of the neck earlier (they’d started to walk to the carnival and there must’ve been a communication breakdown, as AH came after them and pulled them back).  Considering he’s been so foul to me, would expect him to be in a better mood than he clearly is.  He could learn from this:


He calls at 6.30 pm asking when the boys would be back.  I’m not sure as they’re driving back from town.  He says to let me know when I’ve got them and he’ll pick up Master 10.  I say I’d drop him back to his, but he’s going out.  As I’m driving up the road, he’s coming the other way … see that one of the Massive (that partying crew I am distancing from) is having a shindig.  He’s invited.  I’m not.  I drop Master 10 back on the way past – he clearly didn’t want me to know where he was going.  It hurts a little that he’s included; but there’s no way I would want to be in the same room as him.  And he needs that group a helluva lot more than I do.


  1. fun night out with the cousin on Thurs.  He came out here so got to meet the kids.  God, they loved him straight away, and he was pretty taken with them too;
  2. my new sleeping bag;
  3. the carnival being a success today.

4 thoughts on “It’s just a blur

  1. I think the ‘not letting it bother’ has to come [unfortunately] with an element of forgiveness. I don’t think hanging onto the bitterness helps me … no matter how good it feels at the time lol!


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