… and I’m in a calm place right now. I’m ignoring him completely. Not responding to his emails and, insofar as possible, ignoring his texts. It’s not like he’d have the nous to pick up the phone to call and discuss an issue; so at least I don’t have to filter that medium as well.
Had to text him at 08:12 on Sunday as he still hadn’t brought back M9 and Ms6 (and wasn’t answer my repeated calls to find out where they were. Agreed at mediation was that the two kids he has on Saturday night are to be brought back between 07:30 and 07:45 on Sunday, so that I can have that ‘weekend’ feeling with them all). He finally drops them back nearly an hour late; having walked them back as he left his car at last night’s party.
M9 asks if we can go get his teddy as it’s at Daddy’s, so I ask AH if he’ll just drop it into my letterbox. As he walks off down the drive, he flicks me the bird. Stay classy, AH. Stay classy!
Off to the local Irish group’s Xmas party. AH’s already there [groan!]. This community is way too small! He leaves early thankfully.
On the walk home, M10 says something concerning: AH had spoken with him on Sat morning about my wanting those extra three hours and how he’d miss out on that time as I wasn’t prepared to swap with the Sunday. AH let him know in no uncertain terms how ‘unfair’ my expectation was. M10, I believe, was meant to be guilted into choosing to not come with me. It didn’t work (no doubt as I’d said I’d be bringing the tablet).
Get home and the landline starts to ring. It’s AH. He wants M10 to come to his to get Ms6’s school hat. Thankfully I’d answered the phone. He’s angry and questioning how long had we been home and why hadn’t we answered his phone calls [ummmm, because we’ve only JUST walked in the door]. I ask him about his conversation with M10, and he goes into one; peeved that I wouldn’t swap Sat for Sun (despite me already explaining why in email and text). I get hung up on.
He calls back and I put him on to M10 to say goodnight. AH apologises for making him feel bad, but then M10 starts saying he didn’t really have a good time at the jewellery party I’d taken him to and, as I’m in the room putting away clothes, I say that’s not true and he should be honest. So he starts to cry so I take the phone and hang it up.
I’m not having that. I’m not having my kids being guilted into lying or having to downplay their happiness, purely to not make him upset or angry.
He calls back and M10 lets him know that I’d hung up the phone. M10 is pretty upset while AH speaks to the other two, and I try to find out what’s going on. He’s not ready to speak, but eventually calls me in to chat.
I’m not going to let AH accuse me of manipulation so ask M10 if he’s ok if I video our chat on my phone (obviously, not telling him it’s to avoid finger-pointing from Daddy!).
This isn’t right. I shouldn’t have to be documenting all of this. Is it because of my insecurities? Or because I know him too well?!?!?!?!
Ends up that M10 is feeling REALLY in the middle of things. He is so aware of how he could potentially hurt AH or me by his reactions (although when he called AH this afternoon on his mobile, I pointed out that he’s using his credit, but he laughed this off. He commented, “he would’ve make Daddy angry if he didn’t pass on the ‘tell Mama she has to call back on my mobile'”).
He [at 10 years old], when I said AH couldn’t have them on a Sunday because they’ll be too tired for the start of the school week, asked [thinking outside of the box beautifully] “… well can he have us on a Monday or Tuesday …”. Yes – absolutely yes! My issue was that you didn’t start the week tired. But you, as a 10 year old, open dialogue and give alternatives … compared to your victim-40-year-old father, who can only ever see it as an outright, utter rejection!
Get M10 back to his laughing himself. They’re all in bed .. then I see AH’s email. But that’s for another post.
Coz I’m calm. Remember!