Not sure what it is … but it’s where AH and I are at the moment.
It’s been a couple of weeks since I properly posted. It’s been a hard couple of weeks as far as this separation goes. It doesn’t help that my Mum’s health isn’t great so that’s in the back of my mind too (along with knowing that they live 475km away and the kids’ voices ringing in my ears that it’s too long a drive).
Since the day AH put his face through my open window and threatened to effectively make life difficult, it was always going to go downhill. I shouldn’t be amazed by his childishness and his arrogance. But, despite 12 years of marriage, I am.
Because this is affecting the kids. The kids he claims to only be doing things in the best interest of.
I’ll have to blog separately about the past couple of weeks but will concentrate on today’s delightful repartee.
M11 had his birthday on Dec 27. We don’t give our kids parties each year: just their 1st, 5th and 10th. Unfortunately, AH and I were going through some crap when he had his 10th (and I hadn’t been organised enough to get it sorted before the Xmas holidays), so he didn’t get his 10th. There is NO WAY we cannot give him one for his 11th. Yet 5 weeks on, he still hasn’t had it. He wants to invite the girl he had quite a crush on – effectively if she can’t make it, he doesn’t want it to happen. Her Mum and I have been trying to find a clear space in her busy calendar. And we’ve finally got one!
So I’ve sorted the date. Made invites and contacted the mums. Will bake the cake. And, right at the start, I asked M11 what he wanted to do, sourced it and booked it.
I’ve now asked AH to do one thing. All he needs to do is borrow a 7-seater car from one of the friends he went camping with. Right off the top of my head, I know that there’s 4 who have one. And would have no issue lending it to him for a few hours to shuttle half the kids to the bubble soccer venue. ONE THING!
And his response:
No I cant – how many kids do we still need to take?
Doesn’t start with asking how many bodies total we need to transport? Not a “I’ll try”. “No I can’t”.
He emails that I can ask one of the camping group … I’ve unfriended most of them on Facebook and, whilst still friendly if I see them, have distanced myself from them (as I didn’t want them to feel put in the middle of what’s going on; and many weren’t the good friends I needed anyway) so he throws this a spiteful dig,
I’m sure you haven’t burnt all your bridges….do you think they are more inclined to help me?
And guess what? IT GETS BETTER!
M9 wants to trial for the Grade 10 ‘travelling’ football team. The local club will pick the best, and he’s good. He might well make it. Their games encompass a wider radius than for those who don’t make the cut – which is the downside (a 15/20-minute drive early on a Saturday morning, could become a 45-minute drive; I would alternate taking one boy to his soccer each Saturday morning). As AH said he wanted Ms6’s swimming lessons on a Saturday, they are solely his responsibility. So, despite having the opportunity to schedule her swimming for 2 pm, he chooses the 11 am class. Thereby, potentially clashing with both boys’ football.
AH’s solution? To ask M9 if he’ll hold off on trialling until next year so it doesn’t clash with Ms6’s swimming.
M9 already feels very much ‘middle child’. And now, he’s asked to put his desires to the side, for his younger sister. What. The. Hell?!
AH eventually agrees to let him trial. Unfortunately, the first trial is this coming Sunday, when I am up in my home town so AH will have them. All he has to do, is simply not take him.
I’m tired of being the one to organise everything. I’m tired of having to find out all the information and ensure kids are getting to where they need to be. I’m a CO-parent. Not a single parent (though the latter would be much easier). So I ask,
“Can you do what a supportive dad would do and commit to getting him along, or do I need to ask someone to act in your stead”.
For 3 hours, I hear nothing so email him again:
“I need an answer please so I can make alternative arrangements if you’re not prepared to step up and do your duties as co-parent”.
Apparently he’s still waiting to get confirmation re the MPV. And I ‘must refrain from questioning his ability to co-parent’.
You know, the second he stops giving the kids a diet of takeaways and lollies, the moment M11 stops getting 2-hours of tablet time in one session, the second he lets me know about the arrangements for something involving the kids (rather than me having to bring it up), the day I hear that he has taken them somewhere fun on a weekend (just him; not at the suggestion of other parents) … [the list goes on] … that is when I will no longer question his co-parenting abilities.
I will not let him bring me down, in the meantime.
- A visit from a friend from that party group. Him and his wife have tried to be Switzerland throughout but are being told things by others so just wanted to make sure we’re ok. (I went to a Stone Roses gig with him a couple of years ago so have a great bond with him and his wife. He gets that I won’t come to their parties with that group, but would love to do things separately);
- Valuation of the chattels in the family home done. A step forward to getting AH out of my life;
- A friend in Hamilton saying he’ll leave me a car at the airport for Thurs so I have wheels/don’t have to rely on my parents. There are good people out there; and
- Breaking the blogging drought 🙂