Helped out in Ms6’s class on Friday morning but played truant from M9’s (boss needed numbers at work).
AH agreed to let M11 have a 1-on-1 with me as he was upset about missing his when they went fishing. Had a lovely chilled evening with him (well, after Dorrie left. She came to clear the air after Wed).
Watched The Good Dinosaur … seriously, keep a box of tissues handy if you’re going to watch it. We both shed a few. We rung to say goodnight at about 7. They were at Grolsch’s but M9 was still at soccer training on the park bordering theirs. Ms6 was alone, watching songs on the tablet.
M11, in tears, calls AH at 20:45 (if you’ve seen the movie, you’ll get why but I won’t add any spoilers here). The other two are still awake (it is Friday so I’m ok with this) but THEY HAVEN’T HAD ANY DINNER! COME ON!! They’re 6 and 9. You’ve 3 adults there (actually, 4 for a while) yet you can’t get food into their tummies by 9 pm (which is was when the call finished). I’m dumbfounded.
Neighbour friend comes over late as she’s emotional. Have a good chat with her and she reinforces some of the things Dorrie said about AH, namely, I have to just accept that he won’t change. He won’t be the co-parent I expect. I will be the one who still organises and keeps the kids on track. As much as I hate the unfairness of that, it is what it is!
I’m taking M11 to his first soccer game this week. Had arranged that AH come and pick him up on the way to M9’s game, as I have my lunch to get to. As AH pulls up, M11 is still getting changed in the car as he got drenched. AH’s not impressed.
Had a wonderful 70s-themed lunch with 9 other chickies. Much laughter, good food, cocktails and dancing to some old hits. Left there at about 9 pm as there was the other party to go to on this side (well, not me as some were concerned how I might react while there … the Dutch bit of fluff and other ‘friends’ I’ve unfriended would be there). Truth be told, I was shattered so more than happy to go back to the neighbours for a cuppa tea and head home to my bed.
Kids supposed to be brought back between 7.45-8 on Sunday. By 8:20, they’re not here so:
Aaahh – so this is why he was ok with so readily taking M9 for me. It gave him the ability to play this game. I drive there as nothing can be done by text.
He comes out but pushes Ms6 back in when she tries to. I see Grolsch sitting at the table, and another kid has stayed over so his parents could go to the party last night. He shuts the door and asks “have you been drinking?” (of course not dumbass, it’s 8:30 in the morning but I do not lower myself to answer him). Refuses to let the kids come out. Tells me I’m trespassing and I need to go back to the street. I say he’s breaking the parenting agreement and will call the police. He tells me to do it (I’ve left my phone charging at home, goddammit).
I go to the back ranchslider and he rushes to shut the curtains. The boys look out and he’s telling them not to open the door over-and-over. I’m saying they need to come now; it’s their time with me. Start continuously knocking on the door for a few minutes, before I realise it’s upsetting the kids. So I drive home and call the police.
They turn up about 40 minutes later. 40 minutes I’ve spent in tears. How could it be this way? Refusing to give me my kids back? What sort of controlling, vengeful prick would do this?
Cops’ve been to see AH and got his version of events. ‘Obviously he’s concerned about the alcohol use so can we breathtest you?’. What a manipulative piece of shit he is. In his lawyer’s latest letter, he refers to my “alcohol dependency” being part of the reason for the break-up …. this from the man who, when I abstained for three months, struggled not to have drinks during the week and would go see a friend, and come back (drive) slurring his words.
I pass the test with flying colours (hmmm, unlike Sputnik last week who registered on the scale). OF COURSE I BLOODY DID! I WAS IN BED BY 10 PM!!
Police call him and let him know the kids are safe to come back. He’s waiting for the parents of the kid who sleptover to collect him and will drop them afterwards.
So, 2½ hours late, I get my babies back. They SO get it! They knew I’d be upset and they told him that. It made no difference. Revenge has utterly clouded his view.
About an hour after they’re home, M11 says they need to ring AH. He told them to call to let him know that it’s all ok. Because apparently, “if it’s not, I’ll get the police around there and they’ll bring you back and I’ll keep you for another night”.
You bastard! You’re casting aspersions on my ability to parent. And you’re putting that onto the kids! [Funnily enough, I bumped into a mum yesterday who was at the later party who commented that most of the parents who were there when she left wouldn’t have been sober the next day to look after their kids].
We get pizza for lunch and, as we get to the park to eat it, I ask where did they go when the police came (“did Daddy send you to a room so you could play on the tablet?” … and again, this would’ve been a time that I wouldn’t have complained about that). But no! No, he didn’t.
He asked M11: “Would you like to tell the police what you think happened?”.
So M11 sits down with them and says:
Well Mama had been partying all night …
Where, honey? Where did you get that from?
Well, Daddy said …
Clearly, the jungle drums of the community have been on mute and he didn’t get the message that I didn’t go to the later party.
By all means, have your own fucked-up version of events skewing your view but DON’T get the kids involved! There is NO WAY M11 should’ve been put into that position. Why weren’t they all sent to a room? Why was he used to manipulate the situation?! Why did the police even LET him be used in that way?!
The kids are now questioning why he’s lying to them (Ms6 had said that when she asked AH if he said he’d run over me, he said ‘no’). M9 and Ms6 are over it pretty quick. But M11 says he wants to stay with me the whole week. On hearing this, Ms6 says she wants to spend a whole week with me too. I let them know I won’t do that to AH. They love him, he loves them and they need their time together.
When AH calls to say goodnight, M11 asks why he’s lying to them (and AH is not happy – M11 put the phone on speaker towards the end as he was scared by AH’s tone and words: apparently “those are not [M11’s] words, those are Mama’s words … if only, love! … and he’ll deal with that later”)
And that’s what this whole debacle has done. It’s taken me over that hump that I was struggling to get over.
I see that the kids have been put in the middle too often.
I see we’re two stubborn people who have pushed each other to the utter extreme.
I see that I will only EVER be the person who does the ‘mumming’ for this family (I had hoped I would go back to having 3 kids, not 4, but that’s not to be).
I see that he will never step up and be a better father/partner (even with a “co” in front of it) because he just doesn’t know how.
And I see that he’s truly insane!
So thank you, you bat-shit crazy MoFo. Thank you for getting me over that horrible rope-wall (with my lack of upper-body strength, it was never going to happen by myself).
I feel a sense of peace I’ve not had for the past year.
I will do what I’ve always done for my kids: give them routine and stability, nutrition and dress sense 😛
I’m told that my kids will, one day, understand and appreciate me just continuing to do what I’ve always done, despite their disdain right now (I mean, who would want limited screentime when you can watch/play to your hearts’ content? Why should lollies be restricted? Who really needs sleep? Right!).
And, right now, I’m ok with that! There is no fairness.
But there are the 3 most fantastic little people I’ve ever known!!
But it’s a start. And we can only go upwards from here!
~ THE END! ~
(or is it just the beginning!) 🙂