Didn’t write yesterday as had an Arbonne skincare evening to go to, and ended up crashing at a friend’s. Managed to spend a few hours in the sun this morning, tidying up the front garden before getting my baby girl back for 1-on-1. She had a tummy bug on Friday night (M12 had got it on Thursday morning) so was a little bit subdued but happy and her usual charming self. A good day: all-in-all.
One hiccup. Ms7 went to bring a bottle of Powerade with her when she came home. She doesn’t usually get these – but AH decided it was a good option to rehydrate with it post-puking. When he told me about it yesterday, I said nothing. Kept my disapproving judgement to myself. Yes, it was good he was rehydrating … but with Powerade?! I told Ms6 that she could give the drink back to AH as I had electrolytes at home. He stands on the doorstep and starts yelling at me:
“You’re being ridiculous. You’re being ridiculous”.
Call back that “it’s been delightful as always” and leave it at that. He is, without a shadow of a doubt, insane! Why did he feel the need to say anything at all?
Grateful for today:
- Having Ms7 back and no sign of the bug;
- Sunshine; and
- Poached eggs (Ms7’s choice for dinner). Yum!
Ω Ω Ω
Today’s recap subject matter: AH’s new ho-bag, I mean, friend…
Some 9 months ago, I had a feeling. A very strong feeling. AH had taken the kids to the new house of one of the chicks in the social group we used to hang with. Apparently, her hubby was away at work. I smelt BS. Even M12 at the time said “I have a feeling [they] have separated”. Turns out we were right.
A few days later, M12 is walking and sees AH driving with this chick back from the beach – no kids in sight.
I asked AH at that time if there was something going on and that he tells the kids before they heard it through the jungle drums. He got angry and denied it.
When we returned to mediation, I asked him if he had let this chick’s ex know that something was going on. His face showed his rage. You see, this chick’s ex is a good friend of AH’s. Probably one of his best friends that he’s made here. Said there was nothing to tell, then threw in:
“You should try it sometime” [referring to getting laid … unaware I was getting the best I’d had from Mr Lee].
Since then, he’s lied to the kids about it, repeatedly telling them they’re ‘just friends’.
Yet a few weeks back, he sits the kids down and asks them:
“Are you happy that I’m with [skank]?”
[follows this with “Don’t tell Mama anything. If she asks, tell her to call me”].
Why the need for the lies?
Oh perhaps because she was my friend. Also perhaps because 3 months he ended our marriage, they were seen getting very cosy at the end of a party that her ex and I hadn’t bothered going to.
Now that toxic group all went away for New Years. Dorrie is invited this year and calls me once they’re back. Her and this chick [as much as I am leaning towards naming her Skank for the purposes of this blog, but that’s not going to help me get over the hurt … so will give it some thought] had had a chat. Apparently, her hubby had cheated on her for over 3 years with an employee. Apparently, she’s had a really hard time of it. Apparently, AH and I were split when they got together. Apparently, there’s nothing wrong with screwing a good mate’s ex.
Oh, that got to me! The nerve of her! She knows Dorrie can’t keep her trap shut so that conversation would feed back to me. And she wanted people to feel sorry for HER?!
Why do some women do this? Often, when cheated on, they go and shag someone who’s in a relationship. So much for The Sisterhood!
So I decided to write her an email. If I kept all the feelings internalised, it would eat me up. I spoke to her ex first and I admire him: he’s not embarrassed by this development (which I am); he’s let go of the guilt; and he knows fully well he fucked things up. Interestingly, he confronted AH months ago when he heard the rumours and is sad that 5 years of friendship is gone. As the only email address I had for her was their joint email, checked she would see it. He said to give it a go.
Drafted and re-drafted it. Had decided I’d be sending a copy to my parents and to AH’s auntie as I can’t keep taking these things on by myself while he portrays himself as a saint. Knew I’d also be sending it to our counsellor so was very mindful of what to put in, and what to leave out.
And it did feel better after sending it. It was a cathartic release. Does it mean I’m ok with it? No, it bloody doesn’t? I can’t put my finger on why … jealous that he’s moved on? (no, I believe men do this quicker as they’re needier for parenting help). Anger at her? (yes, but I know how disappointed she’s going to be so this should make me giggle more than anything). I know that I am peeved that how easy this is for them as she was a friend and has known these kids for years so there isn’t that awkwardness of introducing a stranger as the new person in his life … and I hated hearing that she did baking with Ms7 the other day. That’s my job!! Yes, I know, I know … that is something I definitely need to let go of. It’s only going to get worse.
I’ve heard from a few people that it’s not going great already. Given the tone of his communications, he definitely doesn’t seem to be relaxed and she isn’t bringing any voice of reason to the table. In fact, they’re the worst they’ve been for ages (so much so, I have emailed my lawyer this week that I want a protection order issued). Knowing it’s already shaky does please me. But why should I care? End of the day, they’ve both showed they have no morals. Men won’t want AH around their wives as he’s now on the second one from that one group. Women won’t want her around their hubbies either. Yes, they’re well-suited, that’s for sure.