How the hell is one meant to communicate with someone who doesn’t have the maturity, ability or willingness to start or finish any discussion? Someone with narcissistic tendencies who loves to control and ensure you end up looking like the crazy one…
And, my god, he is good at that.
Perhaps, he is right and I am the controlling one. I can’t stand that discussions don’t end – due to him either hanging up or walking away. Perhaps I am at fault for thinking we should be able to talk: put both our sides on the table; possibly see that we’ve not considered the other person’s point of view; and hopefully agree a compromise and move things forward.
Jeez, I must be a right controlling cow for thinking that is possible!
I called him this afternoon before he came to pick up M12 for 1-on-1, hoping to sort out the uniform issue. I let him know M12 won’t be bringing a uniform with, as AH has from the dirty load. He tells me he won’t be giving the others back as I returned dirty clothes. I say it was one pair of shorts and try to explain … he talks over me [a trait from the marriage: every ‘discussion’ involved me saying ‘I was talking’ or ‘please turn it down’ as, if interrupting didn’t get the desired effect, his volume simply went up] and refuses to hear that they were dirty as soon as they walked in the door. He also says Ms7’s dress wasn’t washed … ummm, what dress?! It’s my fault for not checking her room and sorting it [which was difficult as it wasn’t in her room … SHE had put it directly in the bag, not ME!]. He doesn’t hear me when I say that he gets them on Thursdays in clean uniforms. He doesn’t hear me saying I need the others here in case anything happens Monday-Thursday. He doesn’t hear anything as he’s hung up. AGAIN!!
I wait at the bottom of the drive as he’s due to pick up M12. I tell M12 he can’t go with AH yet as we need to speak. He’s not happy as it’ll be cutting into his 1-on-1 time. Sorry love, perhaps AH could’ve finished the conversation on the phone so it didn’t do that. He turns up 15 minutes late anyway. As he drives up, he sees me there. His face is thunder. Instead of just stopping where he normally would, he drives past to the end of the cul-de-sac, comes back past, then finally stops further up the road. I go up and he gets out. I have my phone in my hand (summer’s day, so no pockets on the dress to conceal it), so he demands I take it back. I refuse saying it’s off, “show me”, he says. Why so defensive about the potential of being recorded? If you’re not doing/saying anything bad, there should be no concerns, right?!
I’m told I won’t be getting the uniforms back until I start washing his clothes that come to me. I reiterate the shorts were already filthy on Saturday when I saw M10 wearing them. He refutes this – insisting they were clean, which is an outright lie. I wish I’d taken a photo of them but I seriously didn’t think he’d be this much of a prick! He starts “I want clean clothes coming back, I want … I want …”. Seriously. He’s making demands and effectively blackmailing me, ie if I don’t tow his line, he won’t give the uniforms back.
I ask that he might change his use ‘I want …’. “That’s rich coming from you”, he spits then calls M12 to come. He’s done and is, again, running away. Despite me telling M12 that Daddy and I needed to chat first, he says, “no, I want my 1-on-1” and does as Daddy says. I’m fucking ropeable. Why can’t AH ever see a side other than his? Why can’t he finish a conversation? And why do I let him push my buttons so?
What a slippery slope he has led us to the top of!
God, I wish he’d just GROW UP!
I’m gutted that the kids witnessed it. I would’ve thought we could’ve sat in his car but he took it to the street. I’ve apologised to them and have to try to not let him rile me so. He brought M12 back with the uniforms and so M12 could apologise for not doing as I asked. Unfortunately, M12 asking for a PS3 game straight after the apology so he could play it tonight [another vital purchase AH has made … a PS3] made it feel somewhat hollow….
And sounding very much like his dad, which scares me!
Grateful for today:
- Boys enjoying Minecraft club I enrolled them in;
- Ms7 showing a marked improvement at jazz in a week; and
- Waking to sunshine and bone-dry washing at the end of the day.