… when you’re doing DIY. I spent 14 hours this weekend in the lounge: stripping the wallpaper, sanding the window frame and skirting boards; along with getting the GIB off the wall in the kitchen. I blew up the sander so have had to fork out on another or it would never get done. It’s looking great and I’m seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. The guttering has been done (just down-pipes to go; tomorrow). So, it leaves a massive couple of days in the garden and we’ll be good to go to market.
And to closure.
And to the opportunity to close one door … and slowly, trepidatiously open a new one.
It’s been a busy couple of weeks since I last wrote. Kids have come back to me today, although was lucky enough to get Ms8 on Saturday to see Lorde. Oh my! To have that talent, charisma, energy at 21 …!! It was probably one of the top 3 gigs I’ve ever been to. I think I’m even more enamoured as she’s a wonderful role model to young girls (in a world of Ariana’s, Katy’s, Minaj’s … be an Ella, ie keep some of the flesh hidden, ladies!).
The weeks are very long without them. Despite having a friend stay for 3 days last week, the nights where I had the house to myself were very lonely when it came to bedtime. I suppose it’s still early days and I’ll get used to it … but, right now, it SUCKS!
AH has been his usual charming self. I think every phone call has ended up with him hanging up, which should not surprise me after this long. He’s ramped up his abuse a few times (no, I admit I wasn’t innocent in communications before he sent these two):
Quick overview: on the left, M12 had a sore throat and headache on my Saturday with him; he had a sleepover that night and insisted he was fine for a play he’d arranged for Sunday. Come Monday (changeover), he said he wasn’t well enough to go to school. I’d given AH the heads-up on Sunday evening [tried to do it on the phone, but he hung up] yet he still went to work without bothering to check how he was before leaving. Had warned M12 that it was possible AH would force him to go to school and call if there were issues, just as he had with Ms8 a few weeks back. He didn’t, surprisingly. He got back ½-an-hr later than official changeover time so I dropped M12 at his. He didn’t even bother to stick around to discuss what had happened the previous two days but went to the doctor and found out it was tonsillitis. I felt like shit as I’d not picked it but M12 really wasn’t in great pain and, despite saying headache on Sat morning, he hadn’t complained.
On the right: I asked AH if I could pick my Nana’s fridge when I got Ms8 for Lorde. It’s only a little bar fridge that I’d lent him when he moved out. He decided to try some blackmail: my fridge and duvet covers that Mum made (also lent to him when he moved out), for his late mum’s necklace. Now this necklace was a gift to me when we hadn’t been going out too long but both felt it was serious. I still remember him giving it saying it was from his aunt and it might be a bit too chunky as ‘she’s a big woman’. Now, he insists it was a gift for Ms8 and he wants it back. There was a time when I’d have ensured it went to her, but after the vile messages that went between us then and for the past few years, I said “I’d do with as it see fit … all over a fridge and duvet covers”.
I’m starting to doubt myself. I’m questioning whether my recollection of events is right. He claimed his aunt would verify that the necklace was for Ms8 (how is that possible, when she wasn’t even born until 9 years after I was given it?). I grab the phone and call her … not caring about what time it was in South Africa …. I wake her and she tells me she’s ill. I’m angry and I’m sick of the fact that his family stood by and let this shit happen. They’ve not cared at the abuse he’s thrown at me; not acknowledged how he’s messing with the kids; ignored that I’ve given birth and brought up three fantastic little people; pissed that I’m the only one tidying up this house to improve the sale value for both of us. She says the necklace is for Ms8 but can’t answer when I point out it was given to me years before she was born. For such a devout Catholic, she is full of shit. She’ll need extra time in church on Sunday, that’s for sure!
I hate that I find myself questioning everything. I think there’s many insecurities there that need to be addressed … I just don’t know where they are or how they came to be so it’s pretty difficult to address them.
And I don’t feel I have the time to give it sufficient attention right now.
So roll on new house and new life … and putting myself first for a change.
- kids being back with me;
- nearly being done with the lounge; and
- power tools.