I’d emailed AH last night for confirmation about what was to happen with Ms8 after school today. I’d made it clear that either he needed to get her, or to make arrangements for someone else to. He simply shut down communication.
Now I get the grey rock concept. It sounds great and something I should really take on board.
But he constantly refuses to answer questions. Is he grey rocking?
Or is it just control and being a prick?
I feel it’s the latter.
He hadn’t responded this morning so I texted him. Get some waffly email back where it’s clear he’s simply attempting to look good for his lawyer (claims his delusions as ‘facts’) but, because of his work commitments, expects me to stick to the previous agreement for his 1-on-1, ie I get all 3 kids from school and he swans by about 5 pm to collect the 1.
I speak to Ms8’s teacher and the office to let them know the situation. And email him (copying in my lawyer) to keep him in the loop, as well as set out (AGAIN!) why I won’t be beholden to him anymore.
So let me understand…the Court order has no time and we have not agreed to a time. You have told me what I have to do and that does not work. You are stating that you are going to leave [Ms8] at school for me to collect. I will not be there so you should take her and not leave her on her own If I receive a call from the school I will take this further. Do not prevent me from collecting her at 5pm, as has always been the case and ensure that you notify me of your whereabouts so that I may collect [Ms8].
So full of anger. And threats.
I’m not sure what he feels he will gain should he “take this further”. This was brought up two weeks ago and left unresolved. By him. He made no effort to discuss or offer a compromise. It was simply ‘my way, or …’ — well, there was no alternative. It was just ‘my way’.
After a couple more emails between us, he seems to calm down and sends a more conciliatory message:
Going forward – Ill collect my 1:1 at 4pm on a Thursday…is that ok? Will you be at home at 4pm?
[yup, fairly typical narc behaviour … but I still hold onto hope that maybe it might just be a baby step in the right direction … and tomorrow might bring another small step … then another … and another].
Anyway, as it’s getting pretty late for him to organise anything, I say I’ll get Ms8 today and change our plans a bit to be at home at 4 pm for him to collect her … BUT I want him to make other plans going forward, ie plays with their friends.
I dont have the free time that you do…I will talk to my boss about getting there for 4pm but for me to match your free time in not always achievable.
Small baby step forward … one snarky comment back …
He seems to have forgotten that we agreed one of us would be there at the end of the school day. WE agreed that! It was important for both of us. He also overlooks that I’ve not said HE must be the one to be there at 3 pm … I’ve even given him options that he could utilise.
- the boys having their first beach of the swim for the season (brrrr!);
- [struggling to think of 2 more today as getting more worried about M11’s sadness] …